nuinca

Too ignorant to compete

The top member of the Nobel Prize jury said that American writers are too ignorant to compete with the rest of the world.

I think he’s exactly right.

Sure, there are notable exceptions, and some of my most favoritest authors are American. However, within the last 40 years, truly notable works have vanished. There are a number of reasons why, and some of my difficulties with writing reflect a larger problem with American authors.

FIrst of all, we’re too damned comfortable. I don’t know how better to put that, but I think it’s a serious reason. Look at the best works, from Grendel to the Bible to Atlas Shrugged. All of those authors were dealing with world-changing events; whether personally or literally.  Something was happening, and those authors struggled to convey their feelings. It’s certainly true that modern America is facing an incredible shift in national consciousness, but our lives remain incredibly comfortable.

It’s akin to a chubby kid with a few Pringles at the bottom of the can. Content until we are unable to reach in and take the prize, we will eventually become hungry and desperate. After a certain point, I think America will realize a massive burst in creativity, because at the moment our energies are certainly going to scraping greasy crumbs. I don’t really know when that time might be, but I do know one thing – the idea of our economy failing and 350 million people facing poverty for the first time in 80 years excites me (I know this is strange, but follow me) because I think there is a lot of good in this country, but our couches are too comfy to try and give a damn.

The Nobel Prize douchebag put another thing into perspective for me – we’re too sensitive to our own cultural swings. Great writing conveys great truths, and anyone, regardless of time or place, understands them. That’s what makes For Whom the Bell Tolls so timeless. *if you read that and disagree with my choice, I’m sorry for wasting your time. Feel free to comment and call me a turd, cause it ain’t going to get better here*

I read a lauded author like Junot Diaz and wonder how in Odin’s Beard he has become so popular. Sure he’s young and I’m jealous of his success, but his writing, while creative and structually beautiful, falls short of literature. He’s too prone to America’s own success – while his writing eclipses most, he’s too mired in the right now to comprehend the universal. For you booky types – yes, Diaz is ethnically Dominican, but he’s been in America since forever, so there.

All of this way the scenic route to me saying – I can’t write because I’m middle-class, white, boring and American! What do I have to teach anyone? What truths do I understand?

Feel free to comment and give me one thing American authors can teach the world.

Woot

Nick is coming to Jacksonville, should be here in about 8.5 hours.

He will probably want to get creative or something.

This will be a long weekend.

I gotsta say it, I just gotsta

I was going to continue rambling about my trip to Mississippi last week, but the latest Newsweek came in the mail today and I have to speak on something. I promise to make myself clear:

A McCain/Palin administration would be the worst mistake America has ever made.

Sorry to be so dramatic on you, but I get the feeling that you either complete agree, or disagree so much that you’re going to leave me a comment and tell me what a massive asshole I am. With that in mind, I won’t waste much time explaining myself.

Sarah Palin has no experience, no education, no culture and no place in this game. If this was Monopoly, she would be the little dog. Cute, snappy; but out of place in a game dominated by tophats, boots, racecars and cowboys. I completely support any qualified person, man or woman, to take control of this country. Sarah Palin just doesn’t have the skills. 

But she isn’t the reason the Republican ticket scares the shit out of me, John McCain is.

If McCain is willing to adopt such a person for his VP, he is obviously willing to do anything to get into the White House. Anything. Even trade his dusty political maverick cape for a grease-slicked suit in the Oval Office. Ugh, he gives me the chills. Adding Palin to your ticket isn’t change, John, it’s hubris, and it scares the bejebus out of me.

On the other hand, if McCain/Palin win this thing, I’m marching into 1600 Amphitheatre Pkwy in Mountain View and turning in my resume for CEO. Why the hell not?

New Orleans, Jackson, Vicksburg

I lied; I didn’t report in from the road.

Turns out that finding the internets in the deep south is more difficult than I thought – I eventually found them hidden under a rock along the Mississippi River in Vicksburg, Miss. But only for a few minutes on Saturday morning, and then I lost them again.

Overall, our trip was a great success. We drove about 8.5 hours to New Orleans on Thursday morning. We got there about 5pm (their time), parked on Bourbon St., and walked aimlessly for a while. We were almost immediately pulled into some random shopping place, but clawed our way back out with just one bag of touristy trappings. 

We followed with an amazing dinner at The Gumbo Spot in the heart of the city and very near Jackson Square. It didn’t seem fair to not support the local economy, so we ordered one of everything New-Orleansesque on the menu.  Seafood gumbo, chicken andouille gumbo, jambalaya, aligator sausage, and other wicked stuff. Have you ever noticed that just about every creature on God’s green earth tastes the same once you’ve turned it into sausage? Just saying.

Oh, and for you Jacksonville residents, it appears that Andrew Jackson actually had a relationship with New Orleans, not the neglectful father role he plays here in Jacksonville.

Within two hours, we were back on the road, this time a 3-hour sprint up I-55 toward Jackson. I mostly wanted to hit up Jackson because a good friend of mine is from there (he’s one of the faces up top) and I pretty much just wanted to say that I had been there. D and I stopped in about 10pm, got some coffee, filled up the gas tank, got accosted by a homeless guy who was probably an undercover cop trying to sell us weed, and went on our way.

And then – Vicksburg. What a quaint, poor, disintegrating city. If it wasn’t for the history provided by the Seige of Vicksburg in 1863, the city would have long ago tumbled into the Mississippi River. In order to adequately relay the city, I am about to go Bob Ross on you.

Start with a verdant, lush, rolling landscape, perched high above and with a commanding view of a mighty river. Add endless sunshine, roaring cicadas and so many trees that it doesn’t matter what kind they are, since they just turn into one massive green crush. 

Then add a casino right in the middle. Then imagine that casino to be a 60-foot tall, 400-foot long casino, meant to look like a steamboat docked along the mighty river. Then imagine four more of those along a 5 mile riverbank. And then build up as urrounding infrastructure suitable only for housing those foolish enough to visit a faux riverboat casino and those desperate and poor enough to work there. Throw in enough pavement to connect the casinos and call it a day.

That’s modern Vicksburg.

Not hard to see why the city was settled when some lucky French bastard first came across the eastern shore of the Mississippi River, but it’s pitiful to see how squandered the city has since become.

Next chapter – Gettin’ Hitched!

To Mississippi!

We’re leaving for Mississippi in just over 6 hours.

Why? Diana’s BFF is having a wedding and Diana is in the ceremony. I’m there for the (hopefully) open bars and awkward jokes. I don’t know why she chose Vicksburg, Miss., but we are staying in an antebellum house in downtown. I think it’s the Robert E. Lee room.

Armed with a pilfered GPS set to New Orleans (I have never been, and it seems a shame to be that close without stopping by), we should be done with marathon driving session by 10 tomorrow night.

Will report in from the road!

Beating the meat

Sorry sorry sorry. I couldn’t resist. I know that the two people who actually RSS my blog would see that headline at some point in their nifty readers and have to click.

I win!

But seriously, check this story: Pigs Abused at Iowa Farm

I have never been much of an advocate for the fair treatment of animals. It’s not that I don’t care, because frankly, stories like the one above make me sick. While pigs are ultimately delicious creatures, I do think they should be treated….fairly. Does that make any sense? It shouldn’t, especially considering how “ethics” vary so widely from culture to culture.

Beijing was told to stop butchering and processing dogs during the Olympics, because it would offend just about all of Western culture. But if dog meat is the cheapest protein in Beijing, and it keeps humans alive, why should I get super pissed about it? I have always been comfortably overfed and have never come close to starvation – how can I judge the diets of people who have?

Then there’s Hinduism. You all know that they cherish cows; while there are a number of theories for why the practice started, Gandhi even said : “If someone were to ask me what the most important outward manifestation of Hinduism was, I would suggest that it was the idea of cow protection.” I cherish the possibility of a perfectly cooked rib-eye or filet mignon wrapped in all sorts of creamy shit, but a practicing Hindu would accuse me of the highest sacrilege, and they would be right!

I didn’t really intend to write about this; I have only proceeded for 300 words because I wanted to use that headline. So final thoughts – next time you wonder, “What sort of poor dumb bastard on a pig farm in Iowa take pleasure from hurting animals?” Remember that you and I are both those sort of poor dumb bastards.

Wow, I’ve gotten really preachy on this blog, haven’t I?

McCain

I won’t vote for McCain because of Sarah Palin.

Ok, I probably wouldn’t have voted for McCain even if he picked Lion-O as his VP. But my point is, McCain always seemed to have some credibility as a maverick. I never did buy the whole Washington outsider role, but he certainly stayed his guns when movements became unpopular and passed the decent McCain-Feingold bill.

This election has gotten so nasty, so quickly, that it seems to be mimicking the 2000/2004 Bush/Cheney elections.

- Assault on rational thought? Check
- Disregard for real issues? Check
- Emphasis on a “gee-willikers” persona? Check
- Wicked attack ads, using fuzzy logic and the occasional outright lie? Check

Now, dear conservative friends (do I have any conservative friends?), you might want to look away. I’m going to link to a Thomas Friedman article. Fair warning – HERE IT IS.

Like he often does, Friedman encapsulates most of what I think into one column that probably earned him more than I make in 16 months. John McCain has abandoned all of his hard-earned credibility in one massive cultural attack.

The problem with Obama, the McCain camp often said, is that he is a rock-star, all glitz and leather pants, and no substance. Needless to say, there wasn’t a chance in hell they could ever stand their old war vet against such youthful flash and they knew it. So they picked a fairly attractive lady whose face could easily be photoshopped onto bikini-clad bodies. It’s like an episode of The Real World, except it actually matters what these two do.

Regardless of how this election ends, I will be very interested to see who is running this McCain campaign. Even though I was 15 at the time, I remember McCain getting crushed in the South Carolina primaries because he didn’t run a dirty campaign. Could he really be abandoning all of his scruples for a shot at the White House?

Damn the issues, full speed ahead!

The Chain

No, this post has nothing to do with Fleetwood Mac.

Instead I’m going to harp on newspapers, which has quickly seem to become the only thing crowding my brain. I hope you’re ready.

“The Chain”

Today at work I was faced with 2 very separate and yet very meaningful misunderstandings. The first had to do with how newspapers market themselves. The printed newspaper seems to retain the title of Holy Grail of Marketing for people within the newspaper. Want it noticed? Print it!

No need to detail the problem with that, right?  Few people are picking up the newspaper for the first time, and those who read it daily are dying with increasing frequency. So when Facebook reveals that everyone has to use the “new” look, why in name of our dear sweet lord  baby Jesus would our refers to our stories be in print and on the radio? I’m not kidding, the radio. 

I won’t pretend to know what’s going to save newspapers. But I do know that in this era of increasing invisibility, newspapers will have to start marketing themselves just like everyone else fighting for attention, and marketing within yourself…well…

Allow me to use a quote by Jurassic 5:

“My only good advise is to cut your own slice
I mean, the world ain’t gon’ bite, just cause you think you nice”

Awesome! I got to use a quote in my blog! This is so Kafkaesque…

Now for the second misunderstanding, and I’m going to change names to protect the innocent. Worker A, whose job it is to do Task A, asked Worker B, who job it is to do Task B, if they knew anybody who could handle Task B.  Worker B stared in disbelief, because Worker B was the only person who can do Task B, and Worker A should have known . Oh, and Worker A is Worker B’s boss.

No reason to dwell on this, the problem is obvious.

But after this second misunderstanding, I realized that while I might criticize myself for getting too worried about the tiny things that frustrate my day, it might be these tiny things that are linking together to drag us all to the bottom.

Egad, I meant to end on a positive note.

How about this? And it really did make me happy:

DJ Format – “We Know Something You Don’t Know” from Ruben Fleischer on Vimeo.

Asleep

When I was a kid, I thought that if I kept my eyes closed after yawning I would immediately go to sleep.

I was sick yesterday, and when I finally made it to bed, I yawned, closed my eyes and hoped that I would fall right asleep.

It worked!

Could be worse

When I start to feel really depressed about working for a crumbling industry, there are few things that can snap me out of my funk. Food, drink and endless rounds of Wii tennis help, but when things are really bad, I know there’s only one thing to do: Compare myself to even more helpless bastards.

So take heart, my cohorts! Here are 5 industries with an even more bleak outlook than newspapers.

1) Airline industry – I was going to write a long explanation for why I think this industry is in worse shape than ours, but I saw this headline today and realized that it says everything: “Canadian airline removes life vests to save weight, fuel” It’s similar to us introducing the chance of random death upon opening our paper. Final thoughts: Airlines as facing some tough times, but people have to fly, so at worse airlines go back under governmental control.

2) RIAA – If you need an explanation of why the RIAA sucks, you shouldn’t be allowed on the internets. I mean, they’re punishing a blogger for posting lyrics to a new Guns n’ Roses song. They should be happy that anyone even gives a damn. Final thoughts: These guys might actually be in worse shape than us! Their own mothers hate them, they can’t even give away tickets to their DNC party in Denver, and they once opened a $1.65 trillion lawsuit against AllofMp3.com.

3) Bush administration – Holy God. Where do I start. An unjustified war nearing $600 billion (remember the guy they fired for estimated that the war might cost as much as $100 billion?) Our VP shot somebody in the face and his victim apologized for the VP’s inconvenience a few days later. Dead baby parties at the White House (sources unverified), and more. Final thoughts: Much, much, much more despised than us, but the coupe de grace falls in a few months, so it doesn’t matter.

4) Domestic auto industry – Poorly designed, cheaply made and threatened by a deluge of competitors with better ideas. They’re just like us! Except, of course, we would actually noticed if our cars weren’t in our driveways in the morning. Final thoughts: I need a fucking car.

5) Finance – The finance industry is falling faster than my home’s value. Not funny. I already regret commiting to five industries, so I’m not going to city and examples. There are so many unemployed financiers in NYC that many have cut back to two hookers and 40mg of coke a night. Final thoughts: Many of these bastards get a year’s salary severance, and as soon as the economy picks up they’re back to bathing in Cristal so they don’t count.