nuinca

7.5% down, 100% to go

I was told last week that our company would cut salaries 7.5%.

That doesn’t bother me so much, it really doesn’t. I don’t change my standard of living, I just don’t save that much per month. 

What bothers me is the absolutely disregard for change. If my bosses had come to me and said ‘Hey we’re cutting your salary by a few percent, but check out these wild fucking changes we have in store to save the media industry. We all have to suffer for a while, but we have out shit together and will eventually figure this out,’ I would have been pissed, but would have accepted, proud that I had a new direction and clear path to success.

Instead, they cut my pay to put the books back in the black. No change, no plans, no hope. Just cuts, death by a thousand slices. 

I remember a day very clearly – it was June, 2006 – the Chairman and CEO of our company said that businesses can’t cut their way to prosperity. It’s what we’re doing now, and even if my particular branch of the industry is doing better than others, we’re merely perched on the crow’s nest of a sinking ship – we’ll get there eventually.

Mess with one, mess with some

Burger with a view

While in Estes Park over the weekend, I came across what might be the finest view in the world from a McDonald’s parking lot.

Forgive the relatively crappy quality, all I had on me was my SD750.

More on Estes Park to come! For now, we’re spending our nights moving, boxing, unboxing into the new house. Eventually it will rock. For now, not at all.

The space shuttle from space

We just got back from Estes Park, CO but more on that later.

What I want to talk about is God’s conspiracy against my health, happiness, and general coolness.

Tonight the Space Shuttle Discovery sloughed it’s earthly bonds for the 36th time, and launched at 7:36pm. At that exact same time, I was on a plane from Atlanta to Jacksonville. My plane’s flight path between the two cities took the plane south of Jacksonville, around Cape Canaveral, and north back to land in Jacksonville.

Which is to say, the space shuttle launched RIGHT NEXT TO MY PLANE at THE EXACT TIME WE WERE NEXT TO CAPE CANAVERAL. It was an amazing site, and one, to quote the pilot “Is probably one of the most spectacular sites you will ever see.” I know, awesome, right?

Except I didn’t get to see it. I was in the very back row of the plane, the one without a window. So while the rest of the passengers were orgasming in their cramped chairs, I was in the back praying for a quick end to my life.

The Devil Wears Aero

It's a time for panic, chaos, uncertainty. Grab the person closest to you and tell them how much you care about them. Or don't, whatever, because I have some news that is going to change the way you deal with life.

Terrorists are active in America, and I have the proof.

Since Diana busted up her car in a wreck a couple of weeks ago, she's been driving a rental Chevy Aveo. Now, at first I thought it was just a bad car, but then it came to me – it’s so bad, that there must be some sinister minds behind it’s creation. That means foreigners. Arab foreigners.

The Aveo’s steering is unresponsive, it’s throttle over-sensitive; to the point where you’re afraid of touching it because the mighty 16valve 4 cylinder tends to kick in all at once. The interior is so boring and plasticy gray that it makes you want to close your eyes and forget about it – none of that good during your latte runs.

But just think about the minds who designed it. 300 million Americans all driving around with their eyes closed in a car with poor safety ratings, no steering and a hyperactive throttle. Perfect!

Just remember, when the Aero armageddon comes, tell them you read it here first.

*note to self – write most racially insensitive blog post ever. CHECK*