nuinca

It's a time for panic, chaos, uncertainty. Grab the person closest to you and tell them how much you care about them. Or don't, whatever, because I have some news that is going to change the way you deal with life.

Terrorists are active in America, and I have the proof.

Since Diana busted up her car in a wreck a couple of weeks ago, she's been driving a rental Chevy Aveo. Now, at first I thought it was just a bad car, but then it came to me – it’s so bad, that there must be some sinister minds behind it’s creation. That means foreigners. Arab foreigners.

The Aveo’s steering is unresponsive, it’s throttle over-sensitive; to the point where you’re afraid of touching it because the mighty 16valve 4 cylinder tends to kick in all at once. The interior is so boring and plasticy gray that it makes you want to close your eyes and forget about it – none of that good during your latte runs.

But just think about the minds who designed it. 300 million Americans all driving around with their eyes closed in a car with poor safety ratings, no steering and a hyperactive throttle. Perfect!

Just remember, when the Aero armageddon comes, tell them you read it here first.

*note to self – write most racially insensitive blog post ever. CHECK*