Excuses, part deux

I’m over working at thegingerandthegypsy.com, a totally bitchin’ wedding site for Diana (the gypsy) and me (the ginger) when I come up with this gem of a tale for our “About Us” page. Ten internets for the first person to tell me the inspiration for the tale. For sooth.
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Gather round, friends, for the story of Jonathan and Diana doth make an inspired tale.

Twas the year of our Lord 1193 (February 2002) in Barnsdale, South Yorkshire (Columbia, SC). Jonathan was but a simple yet strapping yeoman, cheerful and stout (in between majors and afraid of the sun), especially gifted in the art of the cudgel. Diana was a doting maid, daughter of the local Sheriff, known throughout the wood for her kind doings and she truly was fair in face and loin (that’s all true). The two met at a goodly fair (Math 113) organized by the brave Richard the Lionheart (some teaching aide who barely spoke english). True, thou hast never seen such colorful banners and even-handed archery matches as were met that day.

Whilst the fair progressed, under the cool shade of a mighty oaken tree, Jonathan and Diana first met over a cool pint of freshly-tapped ale at The Green Man pub. (they sat across from one another. assigned seats ftw!) For sooth, it was love at first sight. Diana immediately took Jonathan to be the most strapping man in the shire, tall in stature and daring in wits (he looked OK and was kinda mean). Jonathan considered her the fairest beast ever imagined by the Lord’s endless mind, and the perfect use of a rib (all that’s true).

Though they both knew their love to be a tainted love (way before that stupid song), and impossible by the common law dictating their every day, Jonathan and Diana met whenever possible, on the soft green mosses next to singing brooks and away in lofty boughs of tall birches (they studied together once or twice, it was pretty average for a while).

Eventually, once their love had been whispered from the lips and to the ears of every maidservant in the shire, and was known by every goodly resident of Barnsdale, the Sheriff caught wind of the lovers. Truly their had never been such a commotion in the shire! The kind Sheriff, however, took pity on the lovers and united them in a wedding that has since been immortalized in word and song, not to mention a few sculptures and busts.