Nuinca.com

Dear World Cup,

This is an open letter to the million, billions or trillions of World Cup fans out there:

Please leave me alone. If I was in Germany, Spain, or God forbid, France, I would be willing to pretend to give a shit. But I’m not. I’m in America, land of the free and home of the rotund. I shouldn’t be bombarded with people’s faux enthusiasm, overpriced Real Madrid jerseys and CONSTANT vevuzela references.

I don’t care about your single-score games, boring dive tackles or the “did you know the average soccer player runs 12 miles per game?!” facts. If soccer players were bigger they would play rugby or football. If there were faster they would be track athletes. If they had better coordination they would be baseball players. If they were any smarter they would have graduated elementary school.

There. That made me feel better.

Go USA!

Guatemala 2010!

Glorious

Things you should know about me

#1) When I have an expresso anything, my pee smells like tuna for the rest of the day.

#2) I have only friended 3 people on Facebook, one for each city in which I’ve had a permanent address. The rest is pure organic growth, baby.

#3) I have sworn off the booze this week. So I have lots of free, relatively clear-headed nights ahead of me.

#4) While we’re on the topic, I like the idea of Bold City Brewery much more than I like the beer itself. Also, RIP, Duke

How about you? What should I know?

Tengo sueno

That, my friends, is a highly ‘shopped photo from Antigua, Guatemala. I’ve been home for a couple of days now, but between getting in ass late Sunday/Monday morning and Diana’s birthday today, I just got the chance to continue the Guatemala stories.

For those who can appreciate the comparison, Antigua is like Savannah or St. Augustine without all the stupid shit. A colonial city with the colonial, a city without the pretense. There’s no doubt about it – Antigua was easily the most tourist friendly spot of my visit, but I got the distinct feeling that if all the gringos went away, the city wouldn’t miss a beat.

Continue reading…

Tengo hambre

Today we saw Lake Atitlan. I know nothing about Lake Atitlan, so read everything in this post with caution. Lago Atitlan is 5,000 meters above sea level, making it the highest lake in the universe. Lago Atitlan, at it’s deepest point in the middle of it’s azure waves, is 5,000 meters deep, which puts the floor at sea level, but don’t bother telling the fish that – they don’t care.

Continue reading…

Tengo sed

I’m allz up in Guatemala City. After a 3 a.m. drive from Jacksonville to Miami, Luis and I had an uneventful, 2.5 hour flight to Guatemala. Uneventful except for that part where I thought I was going to die, then the part immediately following where I thought I was going to throw up. Stupid turbulence.

Eventually I’ll be more eloquent about my first impressions of Guatemala City but for the time being, this will have to do – Damn.

It’s exactly what I expected without matching any of my expectations.

Ouch

I just wrote a two-page handwritten letter. My wrists burn like they just ran a 5 digit version of the Boston Marathon and it hurts when I try to make a fist.

Talk about carpal tunnel syndrome – I wonder if they had similar warnings the first time humans took up manual writing implements?

Deep thoughts….

E=MC2

Above is the tweet sent out from @CERN today when they got a bunch of neurons or something to smash into each other.

I love how Twitter reduces the uncommon genius at CERN to an all-to-common form of being – a bunch of stupid exclamation points and 140 characters.

Phrases and gap analysises

A few words and phrases that makes me uncomfortable. Will add more as I think of them. Feel free to add your own:

- Gap analysis

- Stiff competition

- Sticky

- Pipe wrench